Often great pain has a way of making us feel very alone. Our minds tend to generate thoughts along the lines of “I am the only one going through this,” “No one else knows what this is like,” “No one cares,” “Everyone else is happy,” “Why me?” and so on.
Thoughts like these are commonplace and completely natural, but the problem is not having such thoughts. The problem is fusing with them. If we fuse with these thoughts – get all caught up in them or buy into them – then this creates a sense of disconnection. We feel cut off from others, that we are on our own, the odd one out, no longer a part of the group. And our pain is all the more difficult because we are now suffering alone.
"A human being is part of the whole called by us 'universe' - a part limited in time and space. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." - Albert Einstein
So, developing a sense of connectedness with others and practicing self-compassion are the antidotes to the feeling of isolation.
How can we develop such connectedness to help us manage these difficult feelings?
Spend time with people who care about you and treat you kindly. Actively engage with them and be fully present with them. Often it’s useful to let these people know that you are in pain and to accept their kindness (which will usually rapidly follow your disclosure).
Explore what message your pain is trying to send you. Maybe your pain is telling you that you have a heart, that you care deeply. Maybe it’s guiding you towards what’s really important. This pain is a reminder that it is time to show yourself some compassion and kindness. (See my post on self-compassion here.)
Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to express kindness to myself?” and then do it!
Remember, your pain is not a sign of weakness or defectiveness or mental illness; it’s a sign you are a living, caring human being, something we all experience.