(This is the second in a 2-part series. Be sure to read Part 1 here first!)
In Part 1 of this article, we talked about how we ultimately create our own reality by choosing to what we direct our attention. We learned that when life is not giving us what we want, when people don’t behave the way we'd like, or when we face challenges or obstacles - and we choose to focus on them - our brain will generate more proof of that reality and more difficult thoughts and feelings will continue to show up. And so, the vicious cycle goes on and on...
But, there is another way...
What if we learn to distinguish between the things we can control and those we cannot, and direct all our focus onto the things we can control - our actions? Consider the following 3 steps:
First, become aware of the difficult thoughts and feelings and write them down. Don't ignore, run away from, or suppress these feelings and thoughts. Instead, “hold on to them” without giving in to them.
For example: "I have to give this public speech and I am afraid that I will embarrass myself in front of all these people..."
Next, get clear about how you want to behave in the face of these challenges so that as we take action, we can behave like the sort of person we want to be. If you have not had this exact experience before, find a moment from the past where you felt the way you'd like to feel in this situation. Remember what that felt like.
For example: "I see myself delivering this speech with confidence and clarity. I feel strong and articulate as the words roll off my tongue. I can feel the audience responding to my words and I only grow stronger in my delivery. When I finish, I am proud of myself and feel overjoyed by the experience."
Then, commit to taking small, achievable, specific actions to take control of this situation. Understand that it is a process that will take time and effort, but commit to the journey. If it gets scary, remember the old saying: “feel the fear and do it anyway."
For example: "I will rehearse my speech until I know it all by heart. I will practice delivering it in front of friends and family to get comfortable with my presentation. I will visualize myself in that room. I will take comfort in the fact that I will do my best."
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